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"I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool." - George Brett

"Swing hard in case you hit it." - Dan Marino

"I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced." - Lee Trevino

"The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree." - Brian Weis

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

"Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can't play it." - Ted Ray

"If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball." - Jack Lemmon

"I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald Ford

"If you are going to throw a golf club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't waste energy going back to pick it up." - Tommy Bolt

"The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle

"When the ducks are walking, you know it is too windy to be playing golf." - Dave Stockton

"It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." - Hank Aaron

"When I'm on a golf course and it starts to rain and lightning, I hold up my one iron, 'cause I know even God can't hit a one iron." - Lee Trevino

"The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing." - Phyllis Diller

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

"Golf is a good walk spoiled." - Mark Twain